Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
