thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
