6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
