If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
