just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
farters have to be the big spoon...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
