i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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