Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
