And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
