oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
