In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
