Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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