dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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