how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
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