i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
