Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
