party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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