I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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