She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
