Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
false alarm, still single
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
