Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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