and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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