problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
