things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
