is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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