Do you still have your period?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
