Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
