I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
