i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
