I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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