i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
