i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
