addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
