Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
