My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just cut my nipple shaving
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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