im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
