maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
