I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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