I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
