I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
