Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
foreskin is a definite game changer
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
3 2 1 whiskey
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
