Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
