I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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