that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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