he thought i was a dude.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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