so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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