Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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