That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
