Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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