your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
