I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
