I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
