all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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